Web Site for the Official Student Newspaper of Normandale Community College in Bloomington, Minnesota Column Talk Sex with Pulchinski By Adam Pulchinski Let’s talk about sex baaaby! Let’s talk about you and me! Yeah! Some Salt-n-Pepa for you there (it was Salt-n-Pepa, right?). Anyway, despite the blizzard-like conditions last month spring is on the way! And it always seems as though everyone gets more twitterpated than any other time of year. The birds and the bees will be, well, sexing it up I guess. Sex is at the forefront of some major issues we face lately. First, there is the never-ending debate about whether or not same-sex couples should be granted spousal benefits. Now there’s controversey over a cancer preventing shot that some people want to be administered to preteen girls, but opponents say it promotes teenage sex as the shot is to combat HPV (as well as genital warts I hear)- which is transmitted sexually. The debate over everything “same sex” seems pretty dumb to me. We live in a society where some homosexual relationships are outlasting heterosexual marriages. Isn’t the divorce rate at like 50 or 51 percent? This begs the question of whether or not marriage is the institution worth defending that it may have once been. I believe it is. Call me an optimist, but does that mean that any defense of marriage needs to include the barring of any kind of rights or privileges for homosexuals? Some say yes. Some people want the definition of marriage to remain that of a man and a woman. I say that’s fine and dandy. Why can’t we just add the term ‘gay marriage?’ Then you would have two separate terms with different definitions that would allow for some of the samebenefits and privileges. But Adam, what if someone wants to marry their dog? Or a herd of cattle? Personally, I don’t see how people make a connection between same-sex couples and things like beastiality. There are people who see gay marriage or domestic partnerships as a gateway or slippery slope to other kinds of allowances. If their logic is correct then someone could also seekbenefits for the couch or toilet on which they...*cough*...enjoy themselves. That’s just silly, isn’t it? I’ve got a fix for this, too. When you come up with definitions for marriage and gay marriage,word them in such a way so both relate to human beings. If you really need a constitutional amendment, have one that protects both of those terms. Then no health care for animals orfurniture. Problem solved. Vote for me in 2008. From beastiality to teenage girls and their promiscuous ways. There is a shot available out there that can prevent cervical cancer which is caused by HPV (human papillomavirus) which in turn is transmitted sexually. Peope who are supportive of the shot are recommending it be administered between the ages of 9 and 12 (it needs to be given three times, as well). Many opponents believe this shot promotes sex among teenagers, giving them a “get out of jail free” card from the repurcussions of their actions. The problem is parents and members of various organizations seem to be living in an ideal world instead of a one grounded in reality. In the ideal world people only hold hands and peck each other on the cheek (if it’s a special occasion) until they’re married. Then they have sex and make babies who grow up to hold each other’s hands. In reality, teens seem to be banging each other like drumsets. Thankfully some are seeing the light and either making “responsible” choices when it comes to their sex lives or they are choosing abstinence (a growing number of teens if I remember correctly, I might add). The responsible choices they make when it comes to sex include having intercourse in a seemingly commited, semi-long term relationship and using various kinds of protection from diseases and unwanted pregnancy. I know birth control is itself a point of contention but it’s either using condoms and the pill or the possible alternatives of AIDS and all its side effects, or aborting an unwanted child. The issues come down to people having to admit the assumption that many teens are going to do it anyway. They might as well have some kind of prevention against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Not provided by the government though. Buy your own damn Trojans. The shot fits right about here. Would you deny a girl or woman something that could prevent their painful death at the hands of cervical cancer caused by HPV because in your ideal world people wait for marriage before inserting tab A into slot B? Fiscal conservatives should be behind this all the way. Less cancer equals less hospital visits which means less tax dollars to health care. There it is. Put aside religious standards for once because sometimes they combat what is logically feasible. Vote for me in 2008. I concede that the possibility exists that our society and the world at large could become ideal and everyone would live the Ozzie and Harriet Nelson lifestyle of courtship and romantic, biblical “relations.” But we have to acknowledge that we live in the reality of Ozzie and Sharon Osbourne’s lifestyle and act accordingly. I hope all my gay friends can get spousal benefits if they’re lucky enough to find someone to spend the rest of their lives with. If and when I have a daughter I’ll take her to get a shot myself and teach her about sex instead of ignoring it because that’s what you do dammit. Vote for me in 2008 (not really running but it’d be funny if I won, eh?).