Lions' Roar Editorial

Innocent moppets morph into mindless robots

Progress. Such is the promise and prophecy of the technology age. There are many who claim that the Internet revolution is well underway. Some even say that it has yet to really begin. Great.

Although the Internet has brought about exceptional communication on a global scale and has become the ultimate information resource, all this technology is bound to create problems. It has already begun. Though the youth of today are more apt at multitasking than many of their predecessors, they seem to lack some of the wisdom that was once known as common sense. Car crashes used to be called accidents, and legitimately so. There is no “accident” about it when the drivers of the vehicles involved were both sending text-messages and checking their MySpace accounts via cell phone.

It’s wonderful that these kids can do their homework while watching TV and listening to the radio, as well as running amok online, but it would be nice if they could take a second out of their uselessly busy schedule to watch the road. Don’t laugh, societal elders, you are just as guilty. It was bad enough when you were eating buffalo wings on your way home from work, but now you have a cell phone too. Until you learn to eat with your knees, I will fear you.

Cell-phones were supposed to be another instance of technology saving us time, money and general inconvenience. Trust me, that will seem odd when we all end up late for work or school, see a huge spike in our insurance and have to battle our service providers when the phone we had gets ejected and destroyed in our “accident.” And by accident, I do mean moronic lapse of judgment. Sure, there are times when the phone call is urgent, or the call may in fact be our only hope of getting to our destination. However, too many people that can’t drive properly to begin with, for whatever reason, feel that they are better drivers while talking or texting on the phone.

The cell-phone driver phenomenon is the most blatant of the issues our brilliant technology has bestowed upon us, but there are bigger, badder blunders ahead.
Everyone has seen it. The infamous, not-so-parallel-parked car. Imagine, once upon a time if you couldn’t parallel park you would be forced to find a different parking spot. Now, high income provided, your car will parallel park itself.
They call it progress. I call it degeneration (Editor‘s note: originally, the word “devolution“ appeared here, however according to Wikipedia, that term is “sometimes erroneously used to refer to the evolution of a species into more “primitive” forms.” Don’t worry, I am used to eating my words).

Someone had better hurry and invent the car that will drive itself soon, because I keep getting text-messages and they can’t wait until I am not hurtling down the freeway in a motorized mass made of glass and steel. Will my insurance go up when the computer that is driving my car smacks into something? Don’t tell me that won’t happen; I have too much trouble with my laptop to be confident in a computer operated car.

It gets worse. Refrigerators are online now. If you’re too stupid to make a grocery list, refrigerators can now detect when items have run out and will compile a shopping list. And if you are indeed illiterate, I would hope you’re not allowed to drive. Lucky you, with the online capabilities of these future-frigerators your, well, the refrigerator’s list, can be submitted to a grocery delivery website so the rest of the driving public will be protected from you. Three such appliances are already on the market, and rest assured, the electronics arms-race that has begun will only get more intense.

Fortunately for humans, the concern that our jobs are at risk is most likely just the ranting of some paranoid anthropoid. In fact, a multi-billion dollar industry dependant on people has erupted in the wake of the technology boom that is expanding at least as fast as the Universe, if not a good deal faster. The Geek Squad is here now, to save the citizenry from their own appliances.

Obviously this is a bit ironic, as I am sitting at my computer, watching television and listening to music. I, however, know better than to assume an airbag and seatbelt will save me when I chat my way into a head-on collision. This won’t be a problem once the automotive and computer industries finally synchronize their efforts. Hopefully my computer won’t crash while it is driving.

Richard Johnson
Editor In Chief